Well that's that..

Phew, I am glad that's over. Too much Christmas sugary treats all round me thinks.
Just have to get to the other side of the New Year celebrations and I am done.
I am going to make a conscious effort to improve myself this coming year, mind (yeah I know doh!!), body and soul.
​​The only thing that is an absolute for me, is my desire to improve. I know it wont always be easy and sometimes it appears to be impossible. I keep telling myself, that as long as I keep putting one foot in front of the other, as long as I am moving forward, for me, its a positive result. 

A big thing, that I personally have come to realise this past year was the answer to the question, What am I actually training for!?
Am I learning how to fight? be that violent person, that archetype of one that inflicts atrocity and pain? Am I a violent individual?
I do know that which ever way you cut it, there are arguments on either side of the fence and both have equal standing. 
Is it for recognition, for self gratification, for belief? How others view who I am. My Ego. How do I fit into everything? A million other reasons known to everybody else, but not ​me?​
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I realised that I have to be the me, that is right for me, not the me, that my friends want me to be, or the me, my family want me to be, or the me, that my students and training partners want me to be.​

I train because it gives me a place of quiet in my mind, a moment of absolute stillness. This is my personal place, away from the grind of the day. Its where I  step back, taking stock of day to day events. training helps to cleanse my mind of negative dross and make my body feel real by intelligent  movement and when the two come together, when I get it right (when :), I feel charged and ready for whatever life throws at me.

I don't train because I want, or wish, to be violent towards another. Some would say, what if? I get that, but that's not how I tick. I really don't believe  that some meathead is going to appear out of nowhere and violently mug me, my family, etc etc etc and I need to stay sharp, just incase.

Ok, fine, it could happen and does every night of the week, somewhere to someone and if it did happen to me, I would probably have a proper meltdown and not be able to do anything except give the attacker my phone and my wallet. I would become a complete jelly and just cease to function on a basic level. You never know what's going to happen.......Anything and everything could and does happen. The difference now, compared to when I started Kung Fu 24 years ago. Is that, where once I was petrified, now I am still petrified, but now also, I just don't give a sh**....
That's not to be confused with, I don't care. What I mean is simply this. Being attacked now sits at the very bottom of my priorities list. If I am out somewhere and I get attacked, I will deal with it in the there and then and not waste any of the precious time I have worrying about if it should happen. 
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If I am honest, 24 years ago,  I started training  because I was afraid of violence. Raw violence aimed at me in particular. That still holds true and I am still afraid of it, completely. Training now though, that's for my inner quiet and I love it.

Its a New Year, another year and another mountain of life, training and experiences. I will try my best to move forward and evolve my mind, body and spirit, constantly. 
                                                                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                                                                                ​Steve Purcell​

 

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